I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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