Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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