I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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