do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
