I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
