I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
