i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
