Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
