If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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