What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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