I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ate ashes out of my bong
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
