I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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