this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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