I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
