my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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