your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
