It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
