I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
