Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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