Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
