just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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