i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
