A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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