i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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