the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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