how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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