garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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