Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I die, sorry about rent.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
