Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
