Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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