He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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