porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
