Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
