I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize