i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
