Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
