Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
