The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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