Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
