I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
