when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
