I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
