we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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