He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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