I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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