we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
