I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
