Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
