I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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