it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
