I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would fuck him just for his dog
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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