my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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