swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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