My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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