everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
