In the future we'll all be gay
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
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I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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