please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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