We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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