i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
