you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
