How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
